there's a whole world in there, just as big as the one out there. it's filled with words and pictures and jagged mistakes. they'll follow you out and meet you at any place. there's glory for ya, cut down to the shiniest parts, like a diamond to be worn for a flicker in god's eye. and deeper still behind all the pus and blood and chemistry and the spaces between them there's an ancient mystic magnetism holding you all together. as lucid and intangible and alone as anything else, inside, and out. as worn and tired as the streets that carry your feet, and just as tough. you let it seep slowly out onto everything, and you cover your paths in traces of yourself. a bright comet burning out in the sun, revolving in imperfect circles. until you've given up your entire innerincarnation into everything all around you, everywhere you've touched.
Friday, June 25, 2010
wondering about
I wonder about the intrinsic properties of life and people.
Like love.
You can marry animals, be asexual, a sosciopath, schizoid, schizophrenic, love-shy, paralyzed completely, and about to die. You can bend love but never break it. The potential is always there, always apparent. There is nothing in the world that can completely take away an individual's ability to love another.
Why is that? If we were truly asexual, I mean, we reproduced completely on our own, would we not love? Is love as necessary to life as everything else in the Universe that is?
Will we ever dissect it like Einstein, in a human theory of Relativity, down to abstractions and universals? Something floating above our heads, always shining down on us, but ungraspable. I wanna stretch my love out forever, and let it touch everyone I have ever come in contact with.
Like a snail's slime trail. I wanna make you especially sticky, on me, with me, inside and out.
Like love.
You can marry animals, be asexual, a sosciopath, schizoid, schizophrenic, love-shy, paralyzed completely, and about to die. You can bend love but never break it. The potential is always there, always apparent. There is nothing in the world that can completely take away an individual's ability to love another.
Why is that? If we were truly asexual, I mean, we reproduced completely on our own, would we not love? Is love as necessary to life as everything else in the Universe that is?
Will we ever dissect it like Einstein, in a human theory of Relativity, down to abstractions and universals? Something floating above our heads, always shining down on us, but ungraspable. I wanna stretch my love out forever, and let it touch everyone I have ever come in contact with.
Like a snail's slime trail. I wanna make you especially sticky, on me, with me, inside and out.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
latest convoluted internal monologue, erratic
This was a conversation I had a few hours ago
I don't know what I like and what i don't like about humanity, I'm so disgusted by things and then I can appreciate their beauty later.
I'm tired of people telling me the same thing as if they've got life completely figured out, 'you gotta live in the moment, and do what makes you happy' or 'you gotta make money and fuck women' or something along those lines.
There's a fundamental block in my brain,
what is it even functioning for
what's my aim here
should i be action and goal oriented
or be in the moment
where do i place myself
in the two hemispheres of thought
and what's the most effective way to live (is it to live large, float through your streamline, or scream and kick in the opposite direction as humanity's running as fast as they can up a hill towards what i can only guess is a bottomless pit?)
how can people accept such gross archaic aspects of their own biology and not even give a fuck
an outside voice says, "because if you give a fuck you drive yourself crazy like you are"
but if I don't I'm just an animal who seeks to consume and destroy and grow on the misery of others
the limited scope of the human condition is what really drives me nuts, the limits placed upon me.
I'm so tired of hearing love songs.
which repeat the same words over and over in different ways
billions of people unraveling the same themes slowly, redundantly.
the total fear of meta cognition. of looking for the root of your own behaviors, or just acknowledging them and making a conscious, critical choice on whether you should or should not accept them.
i think it's killing us
as a human species
the fear to grow out of where we are sitting cozily as a society
what really gets me down
is how unattractive this is to the opposite sex. if you don't fit and excel within the expected social/physical norms you're not attractive, because you can't provide the security of fitting in the widest most available niche of existence for her and your potential children. their lives are in danger of not existing or being squandered to a limited access to the world
the world which everyone wants to consume
i mean, look how important it is to travel.
to see the worlds
and internalize the cultures
and sights and natural oddities around us
i'm tired of nothing being sacred
i hate this postmodern thoughtscheme
i feel like i'm being caged in by sociopaths.
I don't know what I like and what i don't like about humanity, I'm so disgusted by things and then I can appreciate their beauty later.
I'm tired of people telling me the same thing as if they've got life completely figured out, 'you gotta live in the moment, and do what makes you happy' or 'you gotta make money and fuck women' or something along those lines.
There's a fundamental block in my brain,
what is it even functioning for
what's my aim here
should i be action and goal oriented
or be in the moment
where do i place myself
in the two hemispheres of thought
and what's the most effective way to live (is it to live large, float through your streamline, or scream and kick in the opposite direction as humanity's running as fast as they can up a hill towards what i can only guess is a bottomless pit?)
how can people accept such gross archaic aspects of their own biology and not even give a fuck
an outside voice says, "because if you give a fuck you drive yourself crazy like you are"
but if I don't I'm just an animal who seeks to consume and destroy and grow on the misery of others
the limited scope of the human condition is what really drives me nuts, the limits placed upon me.
I'm so tired of hearing love songs.
which repeat the same words over and over in different ways
billions of people unraveling the same themes slowly, redundantly.
the total fear of meta cognition. of looking for the root of your own behaviors, or just acknowledging them and making a conscious, critical choice on whether you should or should not accept them.
i think it's killing us
as a human species
the fear to grow out of where we are sitting cozily as a society
what really gets me down
is how unattractive this is to the opposite sex. if you don't fit and excel within the expected social/physical norms you're not attractive, because you can't provide the security of fitting in the widest most available niche of existence for her and your potential children. their lives are in danger of not existing or being squandered to a limited access to the world
the world which everyone wants to consume
i mean, look how important it is to travel.
to see the worlds
and internalize the cultures
and sights and natural oddities around us
i'm tired of nothing being sacred
i hate this postmodern thoughtscheme
i feel like i'm being caged in by sociopaths.
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